Why I Created Petra's List

By Keith Motte

My dad lived in El Paso, Texas. My sister lives in Louisiana, and I live in Temecula. Dad was getting weaker every year.

I made a lot of trips back and forth. The stress was trying to find services I could trust, and that Dad would feel comfortable with.

Dad went through the hospital and then rehab. When he was recovering for a lung biopsy, I flew from Ontario to El Paso to stay with him for a week.

I landed at 5:57 pm. I took an Uber to his neighbor's house to pick up the key. When she opened the door, she asked, "Keith, have you heard from the hospital?"

I told her no. I said I was going to visit him now.

Then I saw the look on her face. She told me Dad had passed away at the hospital at 5:35 pm.

That was January 14, 2024, nine days after his 85th birthday.

What came next was a lot. We had two funerals. The first was a small ceremony in El Paso for his neighbors and friends. The second was in Louisiana, because Dad wanted to be buried near two of his brothers. That meant arranging to transport him from El Paso to Louisiana. It also meant finding two funeral homes I could trust, in two different states. I found them through neighbors and family, and I was lucky. We were referred to honest, caring people.

Then came probate. In El Paso I needed a lawyer, a real estate agent, and a title company. Then I needed the same in Louisiana for the property there. I'm still trying to sell 2 acres in Louisiana.

There was more. Dad had a wife he had been separated from for more than 43 years, and he supported her financially the whole time. Her sister was her guardian. My stepmother was living in a long-term care facility in Louisiana, so that was part of the picture too.

All of this happened while I was recovering from prostate cancer. I was on a leave of absence from work, and I kept making up stories in my head that I was going to lose my job.

At the same time, we were going through something just as hard on my wife's side of the family.

About two years before, my mother-in-law, Petra, started having health problems. She was in and out of the hospital: hospital, then rehab, then back home. My wife, my daughter, and I helped as much as we could. We started with services to bring her food, help with her medications, and check that she was okay.

It got worse. My father-in-law was 83 at the time, and he had his own health issues. He realized it was too much for him to handle. We researched Social Security, the VA, and the county, but we only got so far.

My father-in-law had to decide whether Petra would stay home or move to a facility. He did his research. My wife and I did our own due diligence. We visited the house. We talked to the owner, and we talked to the nurses and aides she would be dealing with every day. Petra ended up in a hospice facility. They did a good job, but she kept getting worse.

While I was in El Paso, my wife called me. Her mom had passed away on January 17, three days after my dad.

It's been two and a half years, and we are still living with the impact of all of it.

Why Petra's List

I created Petra's List to help other families with what I learned over those two years.

By the way, I did lose my job. But it wasn't as bad as the stories I made up in my head.

We're starting with the directory: local services and programs. We'll keep adding resources as families need them.

Peace be with you and your family.

Keith