What to Do in the First 72 Hours After a Parent Dies (and Out-of-State Probate Basics)

Petra's List · Sandwich Generation · About 7 minutes to read

Keith landed in El Paso at 5:57 pm to spend a week with his dad. By the time he got to the neighbor's house for the key, his dad had already passed away at the hospital, at 5:35 pm. Three days later, his wife's mother, Petra, died too.

Nobody is ready for that phone call. When it comes, you don't need a 50-step plan. You need to know what has to happen now, what can wait a few days, and what can wait a few weeks. This guide is general information, not legal advice. Laws differ by state, so check with a local professional.

The first 24 hours: only a few things are urgent

1. If the death happened at home and wasn't expected, call 911. If your parent was in hospice, call the hospice nurse instead. They know what to do.

2. If the death happened at a hospital or facility, the staff will guide the next steps. Ask who to contact about releasing your parent to a funeral home.

3. Choose a funeral home. You don't have to sign anything in the first hour. If you can, ask neighbors, family or your parent's church who they trust. That's how Keith found two honest, caring funeral homes, one in Texas and one in Louisiana.

4. Secure the house, car and pets. Lock up, take in the mail, and make sure any pets are cared for. If a neighbor has a key, let them know what's happening.

5. Tell close family. You don't have to call everyone yourself. Ask one or two people to help spread the word.

Days 2–3: arrangements and paperwork

Meet with the funeral home. Under the FTC's Funeral Rule, funeral providers must give you a written General Price List when you discuss arrangements in person, with itemized prices for their services.[1] You have the right to choose only the items you want. Bring a trusted friend if you can; it's hard to make decisions alone right now.

If burial is in another state. Many families hold a service where their parent lived and a burial somewhere else. Keith's family did both: a small ceremony in El Paso for neighbors and friends, then a burial in Louisiana near two of Dad's brothers. Ask the funeral home how they handle transport to another state, what it costs, and whether they coordinate with a funeral home at the destination.

Order certified death certificates. The funeral home usually does this. Order several copies. Banks, insurers, title companies and courts often each want their own.

Social Security. Funeral homes generally report the death to Social Security, so you usually don't have to.[2] If no funeral home is involved, call SSA at 1-800-772-1213.[2] Ask about survivor benefits on that call.

Veterans. If your parent served, ask the funeral home about VA burial benefits, and see va.gov/burials-memorials.

Find the important papers. Look for a will, deeds, insurance policies, bank statements and account lists. Don't distribute anything yet.

What can wait a week or more

Most of the legal and money work can wait until after the funeral. Give yourself that.

Out-of-state probate basics

Probate (Louisiana calls it a succession) is the court process that transfers a person's property after death. When a parent owned property in more than one state, you may need a process in each one. Keith needed a lawyer, a real estate agent and a title company in Texas, and then the same team again in Louisiana.

Texas (general). Probate is the court process for validating a will and administering an estate, and almost all Texas probate cases require a lawyer. A will generally must be filed for probate within 4 years of death, or the estate may be treated as if there were no will. Smaller estates may qualify for a small estate affidavit if the estate, not counting the homestead and exempt property, is under $75,000.[3]

Louisiana (general). A succession is filed in the district court of the parish where the person lived. If the person lived in another state but owned Louisiana property, you can file in the parish where the property is. There's no set deadline to open a succession, but delays can cause problems with bank accounts, taxes and property titles. Smaller estates may use a small succession affidavit.[4]

California (general). The California Courts Self-Help Guide explains when an estate needs to go through probate and the simpler options for small estates.[5]

Tips from experience:

• Hire a probate attorney in the state where the property is.
• Ask the attorney which documents to bring. Usually that's the death certificate, the will and a list of assets and debts.
• If you'll sell a house or land, choose a local agent and title company who have handled estate sales before.
• Expect it to take time. Keith is still trying to sell 2 acres in Louisiana.

When family situations are complicated

Some families have an estranged spouse, a guardian, or a relative in long-term care. Tell the probate attorney everything up front. They'll explain who has legal rights and who must be notified.

And you

Grief, paperwork and travel all at once is a lot. Accept help with meals and errands. Lean on people who have been through it. Petra's List exists because Keith's family went through all of this, and he wants your family to have a little more help than his did.

Sources

1. FTC, Funeral Rule. https://www.ftc.gov/consumer-protection/funeral-rule (price disclosures: 16 CFR 453.2, https://www.ecfr.gov/current/title-16/chapter-I/subchapter-D/part-453/section-453.2)
2. Social Security Administration, "What to do when someone dies." https://www.ssa.gov/personal-record/when-someone-dies
3. Texas Law Help (Texas RioGrande Legal Aid), "Handling an Estate," reviewed Dec 10, 2025. https://texaslawhelp.org/article/handling-an-estate
4. LouisianaLawHelp.org, "Basic Laws of Successions." https://louisianalawhelp.org/resource/basic-laws-of-successions
5. California Courts Self-Help Guide, Probate. https://selfhelp.courts.ca.gov/probate Also: USAGov, "Agencies to notify when someone dies." https://www.usa.gov/report-a-death