The Long-Distance Caregiving Checklist

Petra's List · Sandwich Generation · About 6 minutes to read

If your mom or dad lives in another state, you already know the feeling. The phone rings and your stomach drops before you even answer. You start pricing flights in your head. You wonder who you can call down there who would actually go over and check.

You aren't alone in this. According to AARP and the National Alliance for Caregiving, 63 million Americans are family caregivers, and nearly 1 in 3 are also raising kids under 18.[1] Plenty of them are doing it from far away.

This checklist won't make the distance go away. It will make the next emergency call a little less chaotic. Work through it one section at a time. You don't have to finish it this weekend.

1. Build the "who to call" list

• A local person with a key. A neighbor, friend or church member who can get in the door. (In Keith's story, the neighbor had Dad's key. That's not unusual, and it matters.)
• Their doctors. Names, phone numbers and the patient portal login, if your parent agrees to share it.
• Their pharmacy.
• The nearest hospital. Ask whether it has a case manager or social worker. That's the person who plans discharge.
• The local Area Agency on Aging. If you don't know it, the Eldercare Locator will find it: 1-800-677-1116, or eldercare.acl.gov. It's a free public service of the federal Administration for Community Living.[2]

2. Get the paperwork in order (while things are calm)

Ask, gently, whether these exist and where they're kept:

• Will or trust
• Durable power of attorney for finances
• Health care power of attorney or advance directive
• HIPAA authorization, so doctors can talk to you
• Insurance cards: Medicare, supplemental and any long-term care policy
• Deeds, vehicle titles, and bank and retirement account lists
• Military discharge papers (DD-214) for a veteran

You don't need copies of everything on day one. Start with knowing where it all is. If your parent doesn't have these documents, a local elder law attorney can help. Legal rules vary by state, so use someone licensed where your parent lives.

3. Set up the daily safety net

• A daily check-in: a call, a text, or a paid check-in service.
• Meals: home-delivered meals or grocery delivery, especially after a hospital stay.
• Medication help: pharmacy blister packs, an automatic pill dispenser, or a caregiver who gives reminders.
• In-home care: even a few hours a week gives you eyes in the house.

Keith's family started small with Petra: food, help with medications, and someone checking that she was okay. That's a good place to start for most families.

4. Vet people before you need them

The hardest part of long-distance caregiving is trusting people you've never met. A few habits help:

• Ask locals for referrals. Neighbors, your parent's church and their doctor's office usually know who's good.
• Check licenses. In California, you can look up care facilities and home care organizations on the CDSS Care Facility Search, and individual aides on the Home Care Aide Registry. Other states have their own lookups; the Eldercare Locator can point you to them.
• Visit when you can. Talk to the owner, and to the nurses and aides who will see your parent every day.
• Watch how your parent reacts. The best service in the world doesn't help if your dad won't let them in the door.

5. Plan for the hospital cycle

Many families get stuck in a loop: hospital, then rehab, then home, then the hospital again. When your parent is admitted:

• Ask for the case manager on day one.
• Ask what discharge will need: equipment, home care, rehab.
• Ask whether rehab or skilled nursing is recommended, and which facilities have beds.
• Get the discharge date in writing as soon as it's set. It often comes fast.

6. Split the work with siblings

If you have siblings, divide the work by type, not just by who lives closest. One person handles money and bills. One handles medical calls. One handles paperwork and insurance. Put it in writing and share it, using our Caregiver Task Split Planner.

7. Keep a "go bag" for last-minute trips

• A list of your parent's medications and doctors (keep a photo on your phone)
• Copies of the power of attorney documents
• Phone chargers, and the house key or the neighbor's number
• A saved ride option from the airport

8. Know your work options

Six in 10 family caregivers have a job, and half of those report work disruptions like going in late or leaving early.[1] Find out before a crisis what your employer allows. Federal FMLA and California Paid Family Leave may apply. Ask HR, or check with the California Employment Development Department.

9. Take care of yourself

Nearly 1 in 4 caregivers say they struggle to take care of their own health because of caregiving.[1] Keep your own appointments. Accept help when it's offered. It also helps to notice the stories your mind tells you at 2 a.m. Keith worried for months that he'd lose his job while he was on leave. He did lose it, but in his words, "it wasn't as bad as the stories I made up in my head."

Sources

1. AARP & National Alliance for Caregiving, Caregiving in the U.S. 2025, July 24, 2025. https://www.aarp.org/press/releases/2025-07-24-new-report-reveals-crisis-point-for-americas-63-million-family-caregivers.html
2. Eldercare Locator, Administration for Community Living. https://eldercare.acl.gov/
3. CDSS Care Facility Search: https://www.ccld.dss.ca.gov/carefacilitysearch/ · CA Home Care Aide Registry: https://www.ccld.dss.ca.gov/hcsregistry/

This is general information, not legal or medical advice.